six months later…

arriving in WSEA July 2, 2018

Alki Beach walk, January 4, 2019

… the move from South Bend, Indiana to Seattle, Washington is still a dream come true.  Living in West Seattle feels like an American dream of living in Scandinavia, Sweden or Denmark maybe. There are the adorable boutiques and minimalist art galleries decorated with rough wood and silver dock-rigging. The long dark nights, the tanker ships and busy harbor, and the no-nonsense neon-wearing bike-riding commuters. It has organic everything, it’s cozy, rainy,  and anti-gun.

And it has seals and sea lions, sea gulls and herons. Fog, sprinkles, and torrents. Tug boats leading container ships painted bright blue, yellow and black, from Hamburg to Hong Kong. And the roiling, inky-black mother sea lies underneath it all, holds it up, makes it possible.

Tonight while Honey Girl and I were walking on the bulkhead at Alki Beach, something cool happened!

It was a quiet and very dark evening under a New Moon, few people were around. The tide must have been going out fast; from the beach you could hear a clattering noise, as the shiny grey rocks rolled down into the cold water only to roll back up again when the next wave came in. Suddenly my dog and I both looked to our left, and there in the middle of a small lagoon, rings were forming around a seal bobbing nearby. It snuffed and sputtered air, bobbing along and looking at us, three times before disappearing under the waves. Maybe it was my white parka; he may have been wondering what that white light was, moving along the horizon. Or maybe it was Honey Girl–she was definitely aware of the seal–were they communicating with each other?  It seemed simpatico…., at any rate she looked happy, if a bit excited.

With all I’ve been reading about chi or spirit lately and the constant practice of T’ai chi, I’ve come to believe that energy or chi exists. It may manifest as a non-verbal entity that is impossible to explain, but it is quite real. It warms up your hands and calms down your thoughts. It can be felt and shared, too, among humans and between species. That seal’s presence tonight was peaceful and curious; it was a serene feeling to know she was unafraid of us, and that we could exist together silently in the dark before parting ways. I felt happy for the water quality of Elliott Bay too; the abundance of life in these waters proves it’s still alive, pure enough if not perfect… like all of us.

Lately I’ve been thinking about seals a lot because of reading stories of Selkies–seal-women who can become human, but only for a while–and other magical women in Sharon Blackie’s weird and wonderful book, If Women Rose Rooted: The Journey to Authenticity and Belonging.  Its title is odd, but the book is deeply worth reading if you seek to make sense out of being a woman in our world today.

I’ll leave you with a cheerful quote from that book:

No star is ever lost

we once have seen

We always may be

what we might have been.  (p. 89)

 

These are my New Year’s resolutions: to embrace life with no regrets and to forgive those who have done me wrong. To make ways to see the people I love all over the world, and make new friends here in Seattle.  To remember the fleeting nature of our time here on earth, and cherish the memory of the dead.

Six months never flew by so fast!

 

 

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Road trip day four: through the mountains and into the fields

Today’s drive began in sinuous mountain roads through astounding rocks of all sizes, where pine trees and other plants appear to be thriving on stone alone. It is amazing to see all the life and greenery growing right out of the granite.  And the fresh air–what a relief from the sticky hot humidity of the Midwest.

It was thrilling to cross the Continental Divide yesterday and to go through three states today: from Montana to Idaho and finally Washington, our destination. Eastern Washington is sort of a let down, after all those soaring vistas. See below, for a typical scene.

We could have powered through and arrived this evening in Seattle, but it’s all set up for our arrival tomorrow so we checked into our motel in Moses Lake, went out for a picnic by the lake in the cool breezy air, and took Honey Girl for a long walk. Moses lake is pretty–lots of lakefront property. Kudos to Michael’s Bistro and Deli for an excellent veggie sandwich!

I ended the day with an ice cream cone–a rare treat. By the time I walked back through the parking lots to the Ramada from McDonald’s, it was dripping down my arm just like it should be doing. Delicious!

Oh, and did I mention that Honey Girl quite likes these motel beds?

su

Road trip day three: the most beautiful states of Wyoming and Montana

Starting out in South Dakota, the skies looked less ominous, yet vast and sort of intimidating. That feeling of insignificance followed me all day; not in a bad way, more as a sense of reverence over this magnificent continent.

It’s hard to get a clear pic when you’re racing by at 80, but I saw this item on the map and had been waiting for it for a while. I can only imagine what might be the story behind  “Crazy Woman Creek”!

We saw a lot of cattle grazing and some oil fields too. I had hoped to see the work of a Crow artist, but the town named Crow Agency looked desolate–there were certainly no upscale art galleries on display. But here in the college town, there may be a greater appreciation for the Crow culture.

From what we’ve seen, Bozeman seems pretty mellow. I could imagine living here. It would be interesting to learn more about the Crow people and their culture. In reading Wendy Red Star‘s work (found in Living and Sustaining a Creative Life, ed. Sharon Louden), I loved learning about the teasing clan, as incarnated in her series, Apsaalooke Feminist.  She is an alum of Montana State University here in Bozeman and she is amazing!

 

Road trip day two: a long straight drive to drama!

Day two was hot and windy as we headed out from Albert Lea to cross Minnesota. Spirits were calm in the car, the music on the radio was not bad; the main struggle was to keep our eyes open on that long, straight hypnotic stretch of I-90.

Somewhere along the way, however, things began to get more interesting!  First, there were the strange signs–and red & white road barriers too–that show how I-90 can close on occasion. One can only imagine what kind of weather brings that on: tornadoes and blizzards come to mind. Then there was the startling sign at the rest stop about poisonous snakes.

But even those strange signals could not dampen our car’s spirits! Honey Girl is now positively loving this adventure!

As we hurtled west at 80 miles an hour (the speed limit in SD!), things started to get very interesting–the Badlands were approaching and man, are they cool!  Words are insufficient to describe this 300,000-year-old natural phenomenon, so here are some pics:

While we were awestruck by that fabulous scenery, and the glance sightings of those adorable little furry creatures called prairie dogs, that blue sky began to fill with spectacular clouds…

By the time we pulled into the motel in Rapid City, South Dakota, the storm clouds burst open with quarter-size hail, cold hard rain, and lightning. But it passed, as all things do, and a good night’s rest was had by all.

Honey Girl has now discovered the pleasures of a nice bed. Funny to think this was the same dog we used to close up every night in a metal cage… then we made her sleep on the floor, then the couch, and here she is on the beds! The natural progression of love… which we humans can enjoy too.  Ahhh, life is much better out here than I imagined!

Road trip day one: immensity!(and just a little irritation)

After we escaped from the aggravating agglomeration known as Chicagoland, the drive from South Bend, Indiana to Albert Lea was sort of bland yet exhausting, the landscape huge, the rest stops tidy. Crossing the Mississippi was impressive, especially imagining how people managed to do so in the olden days!

Honey Girl is a calm and pleasant traveler; no complaints about her. Traveling all day with another person is not so easy. Heck, spending all day in a car hurtling down the highway at 70 miles an hour is not that relaxing, no matter who you’re with. I feel a new-found admiration for truck drivers, who do that every day, all day.

As a reminder to be grateful, despite the irritations of daily life which are after all impermanent, I’ve brought three little stones to align at the end of each day in our motel room. They resemble a cool rock formation seen somewhere in Wisconsin!

 

Here’s a good thought for the day ahead from Gabriel Cohen:

“I used to think of the spiritual path as a detached, solo journey, like Moses trekking up the mountain or the Buddha wandering off to sit under his bodhi tree. I imagined how challenging it would be to renounce life’s pleasures and meditate in a cave. Now I realize that life offers a much more common but just as powerful spiritual trial: just try getting along with one other person for the rest of your life.”

Cohen, in “Of Course I’m Angry,” in Right Here with You, 143.

 

welcome present!

Tell me, what is the Present hour?

—A green and flowery spray,

Where a young bird sits gathering its power

To mount and fly away

–from Emily Brontë, Poems, 1910  (second stanza)

June 21 Solstice arrival: So many thoughts on the Night pillow… and the move!

I’ve been so enjoying the exciting build-up to our move; I’ve been looking forward to this event for almost three years! It does however deliver a very intense impact to the nerves when many things suddenly come to a head: in the last six months, I’ve retired early from a career I rocked at, sold and packed up a house I adore, abandoned tons and tons of books and notes from that job, and made plans to create a new life in a city I haven’t lived in for 34 years. Oh, and I launched a new business too. Phew.

It makes the stillness and silence of this house feel quite precious. Doing T’ai chi in Nick’s old room is now very flowing. Readers of The Tao of Painting will not be surprised by that. Mai Mai Sze explains that “Silence and emptiness of space possess vast powers of suggestion, stimulating the imagination and sharpening perception. And only through exercise of these highest faculties can the Tao be apprehended and expressed.”*

The emptiness and silence of the house when I’m sewing is filled with my happy thoughts and wonders about the life to come. I’ve barely even been in that Seattle house, apart from one day at closing and a one-day walkthrough each summer. In creating, one can only focus on present thoughts, so I’m channeling all that wonder and joy as a feeling into my new Night designs for Tranquility Pillows.** Sewing extremely detailed work like this is a profoundly engrossing activity: perfect for training the “wild horses” of your mind and keeping them in harness.

There’s another reason why I’ve been feeling immensely creative and inspired lately: Because I don’t have much more time! It’s an old habit of being a student for so long—we always procrastinate. We think we work better under pressure. And actually, we often do.

It is interesting to realize that even when we retire from a job, as an entrepreneur we can still create that same thrill of discovery. You can force yourself to jump forward conceptually under pressure. Only now I’m doing it for my own fun (and potential profit), in hastening to create prototypes for two new pillows: the Baudelaire “Giantess” pillow and the Tranquility Night pillow (with the new “Freak Out” Star for suicide prevention). I’m working with my hands in satin, cotton, and flannel, instead of working only with my Mind. This new life is thus a genre-change as well as a new way to relate to people through literature, and an effort to forge an art of my own making. Oh, and there’s that moving over 2,000 miles. That’s all.

Maybe all these crazy-making details are why I’m so drawn to the spare, evocative simplicity of Chinese aesthetics and the abstract thinking of Zen. I love Chinese Calligraphy and the way Chiang Yee describes his work:

“One of my incentives in writing this book is to help such people [ie Westerners] to an enjoyment of our calligraphy without putting them to the labour of learning the language. If the student can understand the literal meaning of the words, so much the better: for an aesthetic appreciation it is not essential. You will understand my meaning if you think of a landscape painting in which the familiar forms of scenery of your native land touch a chord of memory. You have a different and more pleasurable sensation from such a picture than from a painting of an unfamiliar scene. But I do feel that, without this sense of recognition, it is possible, provided one has a sense of line-movement […] to appreciate the beauty of lines.”***

The beauty of lines and the sense of line-movement: so obvious yet overlooked!

My own thinking led to the question of how to create the right shape of star for my new Tranquility Pillow Night design. There are so many star styles to choose from, but after a bit of reflection, it was obvious: Le Petit prince. Le Petit prince has the best stars: being handmade and imperfect, they project a winsome air. (See last blog post for a few cute examples)

So I got a pic of that up on my screen. Then I went hunting around for a piece of cardboard to write on. Since we’re moving in one week, everything’s a mess and there are no tablets to be found. Finally I looked in a wastebasket and found a file folder from the Hesburgh Library reserves department from years ago, for a photocopied chapter of Mlle de Scudéry’s Clélie, a long slog of a novel from 1654. (I know I know! I was crazy to inflict such torture on my students, for which I apologize.)

At the sight of the stamp “2hrs. Library Use Only” under my name, I felt a surge of tenderness. For those nameless, long-ago students and for all students. As I drew my version of Saint-Exupéry’s star, I tried to make the line-movement convey a sense of hopeful yearning, a reaching forward.

Lesson of the day:

it is amazing what you can do with a simple shape, if you focus on intention.

Question: but can you use intention to make a prickly situation less prickly?

Short answer: I am trying to do so.

Long answer: you may be wondering how or if I’m going to keep up the rigorous morning routine during the five days it will take us to drive across the country. La chance ça se prépare (Luck is planned). I’ve already announced to my dearly beloved that we will not hit the road until 10am each morning. He will sigh, and grumble, and pace around impatiently, but he is a man of his word. That gives me time to get up punctually, have my coffee and fruit, and then find a quiet spot somewhere in the motel or outside to bring my laptop and do T’ai chi along with the video of Master Peng, like I do every day. I may draw some strange looks!

It is crucial to continue this routine when spending the other 12+ hours of each day alone (apart from Honey Girl) in a car with the same person you’ve been married to for 32 years, whose lack of self-trust and aggressive ways frequently grate on your nerves, although he means well. Honey Girl and me will keep him calm somehow, or block him out. 🙂

*Mai-Mai Sze, The Tao of Painting, 96.

**Walter Benjamin, Illuminations, 220.

***Chiang Yee, Chinese Calligraphy, 3.

The new styles coming to life!

Zen message of the Night pillow: “Even when we enter disturbed waters, we can still align with the moon, until such time when we can see it directly.”

1. Tranquility Pillow-Night design no. 1, shows the satin moon’s reflection on a sea of navy flannel.
2. Tranquility Pillow Night design no. 2, features lines of grey, black, and white satin and navy rayon, on a navy flannel sea below a white satin moon.

the strangeness of eleven: on Bachelard, attics, and a “Night” pillow

Eleven days is a strange amount
You’re kind of in and kind of out
Living in limbo round people and stuff
Stuff is easy, people are tough.

 

boxes boxes everywhere and not a sheet to write

Nice discoveries, love renewed.

a reminder of calm

I love this little room with its sunny windows, blue walls, and cozy feel. Here is Gaston Bachelard on attics, from The Poetics of Space:

“Up near the roof all our thoughts are clear. In the attic it is a pleasure to see the bare rafters of the strong framework. Here we participate in the carpenter’s solid geometry. … The dreamer constructs and reconstructs the upper stories and the attic until they are well constructed. when we dream of the heights we are in the rational zone of intellectualized projects. But for the cellar…” – Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space, p. 39.

Bachelard on the way space absorbs emotion, solitude, and creativity

“All the spaces of our past moments of solitude, the spaces in which we have suffered from solitude, enjoyed, desired, and compromised solitude, remain indelible within us, and precisely because the human being wants them to remain so. He knows instinctively that this space identified with his solitude is creative; that even when it is forever expunged from the present, when, henceforth, it is alien to all the promises of the future, even when we no longer have a garret, when the attic room is lost and gone, there remains the fact that we once loved a garret, once lived in an attic. We return to them in our night dreams. These retreats have the value of a shell.

In the past, the attic may have seemed too small, it may seemed cold in winter and hot in summer. Now, however, in memory recaptured through daydreams, it is hard to say through what syncretism the attic is at once small and large, warm and cool, always comforting.”

–The Poetics of Space, 32.

***

A pillow is born!

In this time of extreme agility and movement, of seeing people and dealing with stuff, quite a paradoxical effect has arisen. Instead of feeling overwhelmed or tired, I’ve had so much energy and creativity.

I’m happy to announce that a new Tranquility Pillow is born:  “Night”

(prototype forthcoming)

imagine this:

the Zen message: “Even when we enter disturbed waters, we can still align with the moon, until such time when we can see it directly.”

a pillow front of navy cotton in sky-with-gold-stars fabric

a Big poofy yellow or white satin Moon, a crescent moon

Waves in black, purple, navy and white or yellow satin, velours and flannel all rippling and converging on a distant horizon

detachable fabric “Stars” (instead of the original “Leaves”), but with a difference!

Instead of two leaves, this model has three. Three Stars to communicate your feelings. One in yellow satin (with “scary” back), one with pinkish satin (“soothing” back) and a third “Freak Out” Star with nightmare “scary” fabric on both sides. Perhaps this soft object might help teens and children express their feelings, is what I’m thinking… in this time of copycat suicides, it is crucial to act. When the nightmare’s on both sides of your imagination, you let it be known!

p.s. To the solitary reader: if you’re terribly sad or lonely, feeling hopeless, and you cannot afford one of my pillows, just let me know:  juliawsea@gmail.com. I’ll send you one for the price of postage alone.

 

a sign that it’s time?

Now that the sunroom is stripped of furniture, I stood in a different place to do today’s morning meditation, which led my eyes to a new sight out the window: an empty nest. Right behind it across the alley to the West is the house of the neighbors who have now bought our house. Perhaps this empty nest is a sign from the …….. (fill in blank with force or deity of your choice) that it’s time to leave now… and to embark on our journey to the West!

Three weeks to go: advice on moving and a word from our sponsor

With three weeks to go, here’s some useful advice on moving and a word from our sponsor, “Honey Girl Books and Gifts”

1. Plan at least two months ahead. Follow this advice on moving

Jen A. Miller, “How to Avoid Stress When You’re Moving,” New York Times (March 31, 2017).

Ayn-Monique Klahre, “How to Hire Inter-State Movers Without Getting Scammed,” New York Times (May 8, 2018).

2. Go analog for long-distance planning

If you’re driving a long way, buy a large-scale Rand McNally Road Atlas and chart out your route and motel stops. Do not rely on Mapquest, which may lead you astray (as it did to us. All we need to do is head due West on I-90 which ends at a spot on I-5 about ten minutes from our new house in West Seattle. Why mess around with I-94 etc.?). Plus it shows where the pretty stuff is–it’s green!

3. If you’re traveling with a dog, find lodgings easily via Bring Fido:  https://www.bringfido.com/

However, I recommend making the reservation in person on the phone, just to make sure that the motel really will welcome you and your big dog when you arrive after driving all day.

And now, some news from Honey Girl Books and Gifts  https://www.honeygirlbooks.com/

1. Good news!

a) revenue just passed $1,000 since the “soft launch” in December 2017 (L.L.C. registration coming in one month in WA state, if you are from govt.org), and

b) I recently fulfilled orders for people unknown to me personally. That is a milestone according to Guy Kawasaki, The Art of the Start.

2. That has led to adding new components as follows for “Tranquility Pillows” (the most popular item):

a) Since every Tranquility Pillow is designed to make meaning, I’ve added this component to the Shopping page:

It helps to know something about you or the person for whom you’re ordering. Please submit a few lines on things such as a favorite book, a long-held dream, or a major life event that you, or your loved one, are encountering right now. This makes each pillow’s mood distinct. For example, the serene-looking “Magnificent Glide” (no. 8) was created to soothe a high school classroom, while “Stormy Waters” (no. 16), with its two waterfalls, honors the ongoing struggles and conflicts of its new owner.

b) New feature! Beginning summer 2018, every Tranquility Pillow will be accompanied by a few lines of verse chosen especially for the pillow’s “story of you.” Poets featured to date include Robert Louis Stevenson, Maya Angelou, and Emily Brontë.

c) Supplies limited. Alas, the light green organic cotton featured in the Spring pillow is no longer available. So when my stock is exhausted this pillow line will end.

3. Coming soon: “Hometown Heroes” a new design of Original Honey Girl Pillows. Features a back made of denim with a jeans pocket and an outdoorsy scene in flannel, and our adorable logo on the front.

4. Coming in July: Second series in the “Limited Edition Literary Pillows” line! Just like the first series inspired by Zola’s department store novel, these pillows will be made of vintage satin and flannel. They will feature a satin woman’s torso, lying down odalisque-style, inspired by Charles Baudelaire’s poem (in Richard Howard’s translation), “The Giantess” / “La géante.”

(I particularly love the last stanza:

… when the fetid summers made her stretch

herself across the countryside, to sleep
untroubled in the shadow of her breasts
like a peaceful village at the mountain’s base.

Et parfois en été, quand les soleils malsains,

Lasse, la font s’étendre à travers la campagne,
Dormir nonchalamment à l’ombre de ses seins,
Comme un hameau paisible au pied d’une montagne.

 

And a personal note of joy: today Rich and I celebrate our 32^nd anniversary! (It rained that day in New Jersey, but as they say, “mariage pluvieux, mariage heureux”).

Thanks for reading,

jdv

p.s. Moving sale this Saturday!  11:00am — 4:00pm, 1207 Riverside Drive, South Bend, IN.