Categories
cats death loss wisdom

On bad surprises and apologies (and good-byes to Iris)

iris.jpg

Iris, circa 2001

Much has happened since I last wrote. This week brought some bad surprises and a lesson which I will share with you.

  1. Real estate surprise: bad

On Monday, some potential buyers made their second visit to our home. We were naturally excited as second visits are considered precursors to offers. However, it is now Friday and they have neither made an offer nor provided any feedback. (btw: Please, readers, if you are shopping for a new home, remember to pass along feedback. An hour and a half in someone’s house may not seem like a lot to you, but the owners had to clean, stop what they were doing, and go out while you were there.  They —like us—are likely anxiously awaiting your reply.)

Well, we are not really waiting any longer because we suspect we know why those people will not buy our house. To make a long and awful story short, here is the email I sent to our agent after the people left, on Monday night:

“Important update: Today’s people found what looked like the mummified remains of a raccoon in the attic crawl space. I just went in and brought it out and alas, it is Iris. Our long-lost black cat. She disappeared years ago and was clearly not feeling well. I think she went in there to hide and die in peace. We looked and looked, but I guess we never looked at the right spot.

There is not much sign of a struggle. Poor Iris.  I’ll take a picture to prove it was a cat, if you want, but we will bury the corpse. Please pass along that message so that they do not think we have rodents in our attic.”

Awful, right?!

Later that evening when I was up here in my little attic study meticulously grading sophomore essays and blog posts (argh), I suddenly realized that the place where Iris died was directly behind where I sit at my desk–about ten feet and two walls behind me. Isn’t that interesting?

Sweet little six-toed Iris. She was the cat who came with us to France and had that amazing accident in Angers–she fell more than six stories from our apartment balcony to the parking level below–and suffered nothing more than a disjointed jaw. The veterinarian said they see such things all the time. A dog or a person would certainly not survive. But cats go into l’effet parachute after the third or fourth floor (it has to be high enough), and it slows their fall almost magically.

Poor Iris. May she now rest in peace.

  1. Teaching surprise: bad

This week I found myself issuing a veiled threat to some sophomores about what I thought was their disrespectful attitude toward my deadlines. On Tuesday, I said something like, “If your performance report is more than 10 days late—I don’t care if it is 11 days late or 111 days late—your final grade for that performance will be reduced by an entire grade. I know who you are! Turn in those reports!”

On Wednesday, one of the students came to see me and told me that he could not find any trace of such a deadline on the syllabus. He apologized profusely for bringing the discrepancy to my attention. And I felt HORRIBLE.  He was right; I had discarded that policy months ago when realizing that it did nothing to improve learning and only increased the students’ already heavy burdens.  (btw: Notre Dame is a very anxious world. To see the students walking around, earbuds plugged in and cell phones in hand, you’d think they had the weight of the world on their 19-year-old backs, and were dealing with international crises on a regular basis. That their anxiety is largely self-induced does not make it any less real.)

  1. Ending the week on a good note: the lesson

After realizing my blunder, my stomach churned, my head ached, and I sat down immediately to apologize to the class via email. I apologized again the next day in class. The students got a reminder of the fallibility of authority figures, and I implored them to never hesitate asking questions because faculty members—like authority figures of all kinds—often make mistakes. I think we’re all ok. I know I felt better.

Before bed last night, I was reading Subhadramati’s Not Being Good: A Practical Guide to Buddhist Ethics, and came across the following quotes which sum up this week’s lessons.

“Apologizing is a spiritual act because it is a deliberate letting go of self” (110).

“This painful regret, in turn, becomes an incentive to act more skillfully in the future” (106).

***

Hope springs—or rather crawls out cautiously—anew.

 

 

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happiness health humor wisdom

day three, new rules

Hi on day three of the five-day meditation in a mirror challenge,

Since today is my birthday I decided there are different rules.

  1. I’ll describe the mirror, provide pictures of the meditation before and after, for your curiosity. (And to prove to my friend that I’m upholding my side of this deal. See post of 3/7).  Update on 3/20: the photos have been removed to protect my privacy.

2. I will make you readers “pay” for the insights and pictures of my life, by inserting advertisements for my products.

3. And you do not get my thoughts today. They’re the gift I’m giving myself.

So here are the photos of today’s event:

 

Site chosen: master bedroom of our beautiful Riverside historical house.

House for sale. This house will be listed on the local real estate market beginning next Wednesday, or contact Faith Fleming at Cressy and Everett. The mirror is a fine old-fashioned full-length mirror well-affixed to the back of our wood door. You’ll note the crystal-glass doorknobs which are all through the house.

On the dresser behind me is a lustrous vintage golden rayon fabric with a whimsical batik insert, bordered in black and white polka dots. That is the back of a quilt I made for us. I now have a business, Honey Girl Books and Gifts, which allows clients such as you to purchase such hand-made treasures for a modest price: labor ($25/hr) and $100 for supplies. It takes a very long time to make one, because it tells the “story of you”; inspiration takes place! Time and caring: that is all it takes. If you already have a quilt at home, I hope you treasure it. If you don’t, consider contacting me!

My feet are positioned almost perfectly, with heels touching, knees bent, and spinal column feeling flexible, firm and well-aligned.

Two shots to capture the time passing:

 

And this final shot is how I feel now!

March 10 no 4.jpg

Today is my birthday!  Gonna have a good time and play the Beatles, loud, all day, if I feel like it!